You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
