I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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