I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
