i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
