when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
