she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
