threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
