Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
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