I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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