Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
