Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
