i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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