You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
