Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize