Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
