i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
