Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
