Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
