I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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