Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
