Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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