I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
