Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
