Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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