take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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