I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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