so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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