return my video game
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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