Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cut my penus on the lid.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
