the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
