It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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