why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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