I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
