You smell like stripper and shame
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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