Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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