Im at strip club and am horny
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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