i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
