Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
