ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
