im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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