I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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