She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
