remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize