Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
