I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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