he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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