i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
