who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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