there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
