Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
