he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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