Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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