a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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