Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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