They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
