I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
