I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
