The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
