i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
