Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
