I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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