you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
