Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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