Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize