Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Randomize
