You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Michael Bay diarrhea
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
