before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
