I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
