I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
