Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
