and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
