Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
