So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
