his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
