he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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