You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
