your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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