if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
