So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
