the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
