A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
