I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize