Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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