We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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