No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Did I show you my penis last night?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
