Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
