I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
