Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
