I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize