Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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