I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
