i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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