Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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