you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She bit a glass in half.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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