he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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