How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
