either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
