I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
