i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
