You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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