Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize