Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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