His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
