After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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