i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
